coffee shop withdrawal

Dear Starbucks, 

Even though I haven't been to see you in ages, you still write me nice emails telling me all of the generous thoughtful things you're doing on my behalf, and describing all of the tasty dainties you'll have waiting the next time I'm in town. What a constant friend you've been. I miss you. 

-Brookie 

PS Why don't you just move to Guam?